Parenting is considered one of the most rewarding challenges you can undertake as a grown-up person, and it is also one of the most difficult ones you will face in your life. I have heard comments from people who say they could not be able to get a good night sleep when their child was born, but the simple fact of seeing their little bundle of joy makes their hearts brim with love; they assure that this makes every sacrifice and difficulty worth it. In fact, becoming a parent is actually one of the most crucial jobs in our society; it is a responsibility that not only has a big impact in your child, in you as a parent or in your family as a whole, but also the society which is include around you.
Oftentimes, parents focus their attention on providing their kids with a safe, durable and damp- free home, offering them a promising future in financial terms. This is completely fair since you would like you children to have everything they need, in order to make them productive individuals for this society. However this can cause you to lose sight of your kids’ emotional needs, thus detrimental effects on their development and mental well- being show up. Furthermore, due to the fact that today we are living such stressful lives, parents do not pay attention to the way they talk to their children, and sometimes that can have a negative impact in their minds, the results? Children cultivate issues that include low self- esteem, diminished confidence or a poor sense of competitiveness. Having said this, I have compiled some of the phrases parents should never say to their children during their development.
“Why can‘t you be just like your sister/brother?”
Taking into account that the impact of the phrases you say to your child seriously depends on their delivery, it might be kind of helpful to hold out a sibling as a great example. However, comparisons tend to backfire, you are raising a unique individual and thus, he or she is himself/ herself, not his/her sibling. Phrases such “your brother/sister is eating all of his/her veggies, why don’t you do it too?” will only make your child feel pressured to so something he/she is not ready for, therefore his/her self-confidence can decrease. Plus your child can resent you and decide not to do what you are asking for, in a sort of testing of wills. It would be better to remember that your kid develops at his/her own pace, and that she/he are building their own character as well as personality, so if you compare them, you are basically implying that you wish your child were different. A positive way to communicate with your kid to let him/her know your point could be: “thank you and your sibling for eating all of your meals”, this encourages his/her current achievements.
“Stop it or I‘ll give you a good reason to cry about!”
Regardless of the circumstances, you need to breathe and avoid getting frustrated by the moment you are dealing with. Threats are rarely effective, and sooner or later you will have to make good on that threat if you want such phrase keeps its power. Spanking or hitting your child is a 100% ineffective way to change his/her behavior by the way, this has been proven.
Studies have shown that “the odds of a two years old’s repeating a misdeed later in the same day, are 80% no matter what sort of discipline you use“. Having mentioned this, it would be better and more effective to prepare a repertoire of constructive strategies, including redirection, or removing the child from the situation, time outs or any tactic that brings negative consequences.
“Great job! Or Good boy/girl!”
Until your child is six years old, in his/her eyes you are perceived as a God rather than mere mortal, so he/she will believe every single phrase you pronounce to them. Now, you might ask what could possibly wrong in this phrase; we know that positive reinforcement is one of the most effective strategies that parents can use. The issue with such phrase is that the more you repeat it, the less meaningful is for your child, plus your child can lso tell the difference between praise for doing something rote or simple, and praise for a real achievement.
There are certain ways to restructure this type of positive reinforcement; on the one hand you can only praise your child when he/she has accomplish tasks that take real effort, this means that just because your child finished a glass of milk, he/she needs to be praised. On the other hand, you could strive for being specific on congratulating your kid, instead of saying “great job!” you can try something like “what bright, happy colors you have picked for the dog’s spots!”
In brief, people who were properly raised can contribute to a better society development, keep in mind that as a parent, this is one of your responsibilities; our world does not need more violent individuals who are not able to adapt themselves in good quality and friendly environments. Allow yourself to feel an incredible sense of pride and fulfillment of being able to raise a good person, who can contribute a lot to the society, communicating negative phrases to your kids will only cause an undesired impact which can be difficult for your child to overcome. Instead, parents should always strive to keep a positive rising children cycle that contributes to the proper development of future generations.